帮忙改一道新托福独立写作题
自然段首行I live in an extended family which is included not only many parents but also my uncle, aunt, brother and grandparents.是my parents,是吗？半点犯错误，要是争议吧。不过which is included 要是“被包含在……”的象征，似乎就不太说的通了， 要是which includes 吧，而且include 用在这儿也不太填空，变为contains 或许是会好点（个人意见范文）When I had a fever, my aunt can give me the instant diagnose since she is a doctor in a famous hospital; when I had a problem in math, my uncle can give me the best solution as his major in university is math.这四个并列句，前后be动词不共同，这本身不能可以说是失误，但是紧密联系句意来看，不太通达，这里讲的既然是大部分的事例，而不是某类单一样例，可以将结束时变为現在时。还有his major in university is math，is 还是变为was 好点。I felt I can get much more care than a simple nuclear family give.也是出现be动词情况。还有，一文的care ，有时候作为可数名词，，有时候作为名词所有格，这半点要也要統一吧，不过只是个烧机油怎么办。本人英语水平有限公司英文，所改之处但愿深度贫困，楼主将就着给出一些吧。真诚地祝你认定好战绩。Nowadays most families in our society are nuclear families, thus many people think that extended families which are seldom found are not important any more. In my view, however, extended families are still very significant since they have many advantages such as having more care among families and getting more advises when any of the families has troubles.When we live in extended families, we can get more care and help from other family numbers than nuclear families. For me as an example, I live in an extended family which has not only my parents but also my uncle, aunt, brother and grandparents. I feel that I can get much more care living in this extended family than living in a simple nuclear family. When I have a fever, my aunt can give me the instant diagnose since she is a doctor in a famous hospital; when I have a problem in math, my uncle can help me out as his major in university was math. Even my grandparents, two 80-year old, also give me a lot of help by telling me much experience in life. However, these cares seem impossible in a nuclear family and I feel an extended family more helpful and functional.Secondly, people can get more advises if they live in an extended family. About last year, my mother lost her job and lost confidence in life since she thought she would do nothing and left at home for the rest of her life. As she lived in an extended family, as I mentioned, all the members began to do as much as possible to solve my mother's problems. My uncle and my aunt tried their best to find a decent job for my mother; my grandparents tried to help my mother build up confidence. As the strong relationship in my uncle's business, he helped my mother to find a job of pretty high salary and finally my mother rebuilt her confidence and took the job delightedly.In conclusion, in spite of the decreasing number of extended families,I still think that these families not only have their own merits, but also are functional to our society.